My Wife Died Then I Lost All My Money to Scammers—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek,

Six days after my wife's funeral I was contacted by someone who claimed to be Microsoft informing me that my computer had been hacked and my finances were at risk.

In addition to my grief, I had only been sleeping an average of three and a half hours a night since before my wife died.

I called the number on the screen and they confirmed that my computer had been hacked, then offering to connect me with my bank's security office to help protect my money.

I was panicking, and when they connected me with my "bank," the supposed security officer told me to go as quickly as I could to my bank branch and withdraw $20,000 in cash, and to tell them that the money was for home improvements.

Luckily, my bank didn't have that much in cash, but I was still able to withdraw $10,000. The man on the phone then told me to go to a liquor store and buy $10,000 worth of Bitcoin. I did ask him how I would get my money back, and he told me that after Microsoft had confirmed that my computer was safe, they would open new bank accounts for me and replace the funds the next day.

They had me go to my other bank and withdraw $25,000 in cash and buy more Bitcoin.

He was very convincing, but I honestly do not think I would have fallen for this scam if I hadn't been so tired, and so full of grief. I wasn't thinking straight.

I only came to my senses when my stepdaughter called me and asked what I'd been doing all day. I told her I was exhausted from running around all day trying to protect my money by withdrawing cash and buying Bitcoin.

She let out a shrill scream, and within about a tenth of a second I realized I had done a very dumb thing.

The FBI told me it was unlikely that I would get any of the money back, but fortunately I still have the $10,000 that my bank didn't have in cash.

Phil Tarman, Greeley, CO

Scammers Identify and Exploit Vulnerabilities

Christian Seifert is the researcher in residence at The Forta Foundation, a real time detection network for monitoring blockchain activity.

Firstly, I want to extend my deepest condolences for your loss. It's heartbreaking to learn of what you've gone through, both in terms of personal grief and the distressing situation with the scam. Please know that you are not alone; there are countless individuals who find themselves in similar, vulnerable positions and get taken advantage of by unscrupulous individuals.

Thank you sincerely for having the courage to share your story. It's undoubtedly painful to relive the experience, but by doing so, you are raising awareness and helping to protect others from falling into similar traps.

This particular scam is known as "pig butchering," which might seem a peculiar name, but it describes the process of grooming vulnerable targets over time, much like fattening a pig for slaughter. Scammers identify and exploit vulnerabilities, whether emotional, as in your case, or through other avenues like romance or investment schemes. The end goal is always the same: to extract as much money as possible.

I'd like to highlight that the cryptocurrency industry is very much aware of these tactics. Within the cyber security industry we are actively working on uncovering and preventing these scams. We are implementing mechanisms to make money laundering more difficult and increase the risk of discovery for these wrongdoers. Our ultimate aim is to create an environment so risky for scammers that they cease their malevolent actions altogether.

To safeguard oneself and loved ones in the future, here are some useful practices:

• Be skeptical: Always be cautious if someone contacts you unsolicited, especially if they ask for money or personal details.
• Double-check sources: If someone claims to be from a reputable company, independently find the company's phone number (from their official website, for example) and call them directly.
• Avoid making decisions when emotional: If possible, consult with a trusted friend or family member before making any major financial decisions.
• Educate yourself: Stay informed about common scams and their tactics. This can help you recognize and avoid them.
• Use technology: Install and regularly update security software on your devices. Additionally, enable two-factor authentication on sensitive accounts.

Once again, thank you for sharing your experience. Please take care of yourself, and remember that you're not alone in this.

You Were Already Very Vulnerable in Bereavement

Dr. Chloe Carmichael , Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author. Her approach is goal-oriented and emphasizes reaching our fullest potential through a strengths-based approach.

Thank you for writing, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your wife. Moreover, I'm sorry that a scammer would take advantage of your grief in such a callous manner.

It may be helpful to speak to a grief counsellor, clergyperson, or just draw close to friends and family as you process this loss. The fraud you experienced could be felt as a "double loss" since it occurred when you were already very vulnerable in bereavement. Feelings of anger, a sense of powerlessness, and other emotions might arise from both of these circumstances, and there may even be overlap (for example, losing substantial funds for retirement can undermine your sense of security, at exactly the same time as you've lost a major source of support in your late wife whom you also planned to enjoy time with during retirement—similarly, anger is part of the grieving process, and it's also a natural reaction to being defrauded).

A trusted support network can be a treasure as you try to regain your footing and manage strong emotions. Depending on your situation, you may want to consider a commitment to avoid any major life decisions or financial commitments for the next year—this type of boundary can create a sense of stability that is often helpful to healing.

You may also want to enlist your support network to help ensure you are taking advantage of every legal recourse to recover your lost funds, and that you are making whatever financial adjustments will help to offset the loss for your long-term financial well-being. Expert advice on these topics may be helpful, but the information can be overwhelming during grief—having an ally such as a therapist, clergyperson or trusted friend/family member to help you process and/or execute the experts' recommendations may be an essential support in your process of emotional and financial recovery.

Phil, thank you again for writing—I'm so sorry for what you have experienced. Wishing you the best as you surround yourself with support and prepare for a journey of healing.

These Criminals Have Honed Manipulation Tactics Over Decades

Brian Chevalier-Jordan is the chief marketing officer at NationalBusinessCapital.com.

First, realize this is not your fault. You were taken advantage of by criminals. Just as you wouldn't blame yourself if someone broke into your bank and stole your savings from the vault, you shouldn't feel any guilt for this. These criminals have honed their manipulation tactics over decades, exploiting hundreds, if not thousands, of people before targeting you. You're a victim, and not at all to blame.

Next, call the police and file a report. Assuming you've already spoken to the FBI, if you haven't done this yet, do it ASAP.

Third, contact your homeowner's insurance company. While coverage for this type of fraud isn't guaranteed, it pays to be thorough with your money.

Finally, work on forgiving yourself. It might be the most challenging task on this list, but it's also the most important. Your spouse wouldn't want you to be consumed by guilt, and she would want you to find as much happiness as possible after an event like this.