Woman Banning Friend's 5-Year-Old Daughter From Her Birthday Party Praised

A woman has been applauded online for refusing to allow one of her friends to bring their 5-year-old daughter to her birthday dinner.

Eating out is an important social activity for millions of Americans and it can also be an expensive one. A survey of 2,000 U.S. adults conducted earlier this month by OnePoll on behalf of The Habit Burger found that the average person shells out $2,500 a year dining out.

Given that kind of outlay, it's perhaps not surprising that many want the experience to be as enjoyable and distraction-free as possible. That was certainly the case for one woman who decided to celebrate her birthday by going for a boozy dinner with her friends. There was just one rule: no kids.

In a Reddit post shared earlier this week under the handle u/This_Value_4194, she explained: "The plan was to get a bit tipsy and order appetizers. My husband and I have a 3 year old, but we're hiring a babysitter for the night."

There was just one problem though. Her friend, Missy, wanted to bring her 5-year-old daughter along. "I offered to pay my babysitter extra to watch her daughter," the woman wrote. "Missy said no because her daughter is in daycare all day and she doesn't want her to have to then be with a sitter."

The woman said she tried to explain that she did not think it would be "appropriate" for Missy's daughter to be there. "We're going to get rowdy and I don't want to censor myself," she said, adding: "Missy's daughter is like a lot of 5 year olds: she doesn't sit still, wants to run all over the place."

After talking it through with another friend, she decided to put her foot down and tell Missy that her daughter was not allowed to come to the dinner. It was not well received.

"Missy has now thrown a fit and said she's not coming," the woman wrote. "I said I completely understand. There are events I have missed because I don't want to leave my daughter and the group understands as we all have kids."

Though the woman was keen to stress to Missy that they could not stop her coming to the restaurant, her daughter would "absolutely" not be allowed at their table. Despite her stance, the woman has been left feeling guilty and worried she has upset Missy. "She's very hurt that we're excluding her," she wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/This_Value_4194 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

The Expert's View

Reflecting on the dilemma, Ranesha Especto, a licensed professional counselor specializing in relationships, anxiety and stress with Thriveworks, a nationwide provider of online and in-person therapy services, told Newsweek: "The situation raises several complex considerations regarding the boundaries between individual preferences and mutual respect in social interactions."

Especto called for Missy and the host to engage in "open and respectful communication" to resolve the issue.

"They could discuss the friend's concerns about bringing her child to the party and explore potential compromises, such as finding alternative childcare arrangements during the event or arranging for a portion of the party to be child-friendly while designating other areas as adult-only zones," she said.

Ultimately, Especto said it was important that both women "prioritize maintaining their friendship and respecting each other's boundaries and preferences" in the wake of this conflict.

"It's essential for both parties to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, recognizing that each person's perspective is valid and deserving of consideration," she added. "While the friend may have a preference for a child-free environment at the birthday party, it's essential for both parties to communicate openly, respect each other's boundaries, and work towards finding a mutually agreeable solution that honors everyone's needs and preferences."

Reddit's Response

But while Especto felt steps needed to be taken by both parties to preserve the friendship and work through this issue, many on Reddit felt the woman was well within her rights to make her birthday dinner a child-free one.

"You offered reasonable solutions and she refused," one Reddit user wrote. "When a person chooses a lifestyle, they have to deal with whatever comes with it. But they aren't entitled to special treatment, especially when people of a similar lifestyle have adapted."

A second concurred, commenting: "She's not being excluded. She's excluding herself. Parents like this worry me. Parents who get this upset that they were told they can't bring their child to a completely inappropriate place just doesn't sit right with me."

A third, meanwhile, added: "It's not even being a good parent: no kid should have to sit around a bar while they're parents get drunk and rowdy with a bunch of other adults, that's not in kiddo's best interest. If you wanna party, party. If you wanna spend time with your kid, spend time with your kid. Trying to do both just guarantees you'll do neither and upset everyone involved."

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