Woman Cheered for Refusing to House Homeless Brother: 'Told Them No'

A woman has been backed for refusing to let her brother and his family live with her—even though this will leave the family homeless.

The 22-year-old woman who goes by the Reddit handle u/Brave-Frosting-179 told the popular r/AmITheA****** forum about the dilemma.

She said: "My family is on a big divide about this so I was hoping I could get an unbiased perspective."

With three siblings aged 30, 32 and 33 with a combined 14 children, she explained they are a big family and her parents like to host big functions for special occasions.

Married and living with her husband, the poster explained that her household income is about 200k—higher than her siblings.

She said she had grown to resent the gatherings as it was always the time when her siblings would ask her for favors. "Mostly to babysit," she explained. "I did it for a while when I was around 16, but quickly realized they didn't appreciate anything and there was nothing in it for me so I stopped. For the past 6 years I've had the 'don't ask me for anything' stance, since my siblings are the type to ask for favors but never offer to help [if] you need it. They always borrow money from our parents but never pay it back."

Vic Paterson is a hypnotherapist and lifestyle coach who helps people with family and relationship issues. She told Newsweek: "It's hardly surprising that we expect our family to be our support team, there is nothing new about the belief that 'blood is thicker than water'.

"But it's important to remember that a critical friend can be more helpful in the long run than a friend who simply agrees with everything we do. Support can take many forms, and sometimes that might be pointing out when we're about to make a terrible mistake, or that our brilliant idea may not be so brilliant after all," she added.

The Reddit user said her oldest brother was being evicted, and he had asked if he, his girlfriend and their four children could move in with her and her husband for a little while.

"My husband and I own a 4 bed 2 bath home. I told them no because they have a habit of settling in somewhere and not paying rent and refusing to leave," said the poster. "They also let their four kids absolutely destroy every rental they live in, coloring on the walls, holes in the walls, etc."

But by saying no, she had caused a family argument as her brother and his girlfriend were very upset.

This isn't the first time the subject of housing has caused a family argument. Earlier this year a woman was praised when she threatened to make her in-laws homeless because they refused to babysit. Another woman was also praised for her excuse for refusing to help her homeless sister-in-law.

"They're going to have to stay at a shelter and they're saying it's my fault, but I think it's their own lack of responsibility. My other two siblings chimed in agreeing with my brother, and they think I'm a sucky a******," said the poster. "I think that my siblings suck and I don't want my house getting torn up by their heathens."

On Reddit, over 1,400 commenters overwhelmingly agreed that the 22-year-old should not let her brother and his family move in.

"You are not responsible for their lack of responsibility. They bred like rabbits, and they don't respect property or respect you," said one commenter. While another wrote: "It's not your fault they got evicted. Let one of your other siblings deal with it."

Paterson agreed that the woman should not let her family move in: "Allowing her family members to move in would likely be disastrous in this situation," she said.

But she also explained that it could benefit the woman to look at her relationship with her siblings.

"I would ask the woman to work out what she wants from her relationship with her siblings. Does she want a relationship at all?" she asked. "If she does wish to continue her relationship with her siblings, one good course of action would be for her to try being less resentful and critical of their lifestyle—then she might find they are less critical and resentful of hers."

Stressing the importance of open communication, Paterson suggested a family meeting to discuss and air any issues, with a neutral third party if helpful.

However, if the woman did feel she wanted to step away from her family, Paterson explained this would also be acceptable: "There is nothing wrong with stepping away from family, although it can be a huge step to make," she said. "Sometimes we need to prioritize our own emotional wellbeing, and it may simply be that although they share parents, these siblings are all so different it is impossible for them to get on."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Brave-Frosting-179 for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.

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