Woman's Nanny Cam to Check On Bedridden Husband Sparks Debate: 'Creepy'

A woman has sparked a heated debate after revealing she called her coworker "creepy" for watching her sick husband—who's at home bedridden—with a nanny cam, without him knowing.

In a post shared on Reddit on Wednesday, the woman, under the username u/Throwaway1245251, explained that while in the office, she noticed her coworker looking at a live video of her husband sleeping in their bedroom, and "out of curiosity," asked her about it.

"She said she installed a nanny cam to be able to watch her husband while she's away from home," with the poster adding she pointed "at her phone and said that it was creepy [of] her to do that and without him knowing about it."

Following the incident, according to the post, the entire office stared at them and her coworker "lashed out" saying that she was doing this out of concern for him.

"I said that this was my opinion and that situations like this do not exactly excuse violating someone's privacy. She got mad, and said that I must be projecting which might be true but still, it was about the concept of privacy."

According to The Reeves Law Group, it's legal to install a nanny cam in all 50 states, however, the laws of 13 states expressly prohibit the unauthorized installation or use of cameras in private places.

In Alabama, Arkansas, California, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Kansas, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, New Hampshire, South Dakota, and Utah, installation or use of any device for photographing, observing, or overhearing events or sounds in a private place without the permission of the people photographed or observed is against the law, which means you can't record in clearly private areas of your home, such as the bathroom or a live-in nanny's bedroom.

Karri Francisco, director of family programming at APN, told Newsweek that the woman who is watching her husband without his consent is likely having a response to his illness that is triggering her anxious attachment.

She said: "Someone with an anxious attachment style will struggle with feelings of distance within relationships and use unhealthy conflict resolution skills to minimize that discomfort. Both the woman and co-worker need to work toward more inward self-regulation skills."

She went on to say that whether the poster was right or not in pointing this out, depends on the context in which she said it, and the reasons behind it.

"The context of why the co-worker intervened is important, even when we are responding to co-workers at times our trauma and attachment wounds can be triggered. I would [hypothesize] that this co-worker who shared her perspective was likely triggered [by] past experiences with her loved ones where her boundaries were violated and her privacy was not respected," she said.

Jennifer Silvershein Teplin, the founder of Manhattan Wellness, believes that it is not the co-worker's business to judge how a husband and wife behave towards each other and that the wife seemed to have good intentions in using the nanny cam to observe her husband.

She said: "While the wife has good intentions I would be curious why the husband is unaware of the nanny cam and her reasons for not sharing the recording device with him since it is well-intentioned. It's unfortunate that the workplace is feeling cold seeing that one behavior should not shape how a person is entirely judged."

Users on the forum were divided on this issue, and while some thought it wasn't her business to intervene and comment, others thought her coworker had to right to invade her sick husband's privacy.

The top comment from MaybeAWalrus, with 12,600 upvotes, said: "[Not The A**hole]. Having a cam to monitor how her husband is doing after medical issues is legitimate and probably gives her peace of mind. But NOT TELLING HIM ?! Definitely creepy. Why? This is a huge breach of trust."

And Electrical-Date-3951 answered: "This man is bedridden and seemingly in a poor state. We don't know if he is drugged up or even [coherent], and I suspect OP doesn't know either since she is just a nosey outsider."

Educatedvegetable added: "Because OP overstepped I'd say [You're The A**hole] here. Obviously, her coworker deeply cares for her husband but can't take time off of work to care for him. There was no reason for OP to even ask about it because it's none of her business."

FakenFrugenFrokkels said: "[Not The A**hole]. Your coworker is an AH for not telling hubby there's a cam. All that said, there's another reason that camera is there without his knowledge. Only your coworker knows and it's why she blew up. Note: [You Would Be The A**hole] if you were to continue talking about it."

Newsweek reached out to u/Throwaway1245251 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.