Woman Praised for Refusing to Visit Dying Mother to Make Amends

A woman was praised online for refusing to visit her dying mother who gave her away after finding out she would not be able to donate bone marrow to their other child.

The anonymous woman, known as u/Inititaro, posted about her situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 15,500 upvotes and 2,300 comments. The post can be found here.

What is a Savior Sibling?

A savior sibling—often referred to as a backup child—is an individual who is born solely for the purpose of providing "an organ, bone marrow, or cell transplant, to a sibling affected with a fatal disease," according to an article published in the National Library of Medicine.

Often, parents opt for in vitro fertilization (IVF) since it ups the odds of an "exact" immune tissue match to about 90 percent, compared to about one in four odds without IVF, the American Council on Science and Health reports.

How Common Are They?

Although data about the number of savior siblings born each year is not readily available, it is estimated that about one percent of all pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) procedures in the United States are used to create a fetus that has an exact tissue match for their sibling, according to the Washington and Lee Journal of Civil Rights and Social Justice.

During a PGD, multiple mature eggs are inseminated with a single sperm and the resulting embryos are grown in culture for a few weeks before being biopsied and evaluated for specific genetic conditions. Unaffected embryos are then transferred to the uterus, according to UCSF Health.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for refusing to meet my terminally ill mother knowing that she wants to apologize and seek forgiveness?" the woman, 35, said her parents had her because her older brother required a bone marrow transplant and neither were a match.

"So when I wasn't a match, they didn't want me," the post read. "They initially wanted to leave me for adoption but my grandmother offered to raise me. They then had another child a year later who was a match and they kept him."

The woman said she was raised by her grandmother but was always aware that her biological parents "didn't want" her and who they were.

She said that her biological parents and siblings pretended she didn't exist and that they did their best to avoid talking to her.

"I'm over it now, but this was very difficult in my childhood and teenage years," the post read.

The Inheritance

The woman's grandmother decided to leave the OP's mother out of her inheritance, claiming that she raised four children—the OP, her mother, and her two uncles—but wants to split it three ways.

She said her mother, 68, was unhappy with the decision since they were struggling financially and the inheritance would have helped.

"My mother, after all those years, decided to finally acknowledge that she had a daughter and tried to convince me to give her my inheritance," the post read. "Arguing that I would get it back when she dies anyway (well, some of it apparently)."

The woman refused, saying she felt resentment and had no real emotional connection to her mother.

'She Regrets Everything'

Recently, the woman's cousin informed her that her mother is terminally ill and wants to speak with her.

"She told my cousin to tell me that she regrets everything," the post read. "She wants more than getting another chance with me, she doesn't want money or anything else, only wants to apologize and ask for my forgiveness before she dies."

The woman replied that "if someone wants forgiveness they can talk to a priest," something her grandmother always said.

"I don't need her in my life and I don't owe her anything," the post read.

Her cousin said that although her mother hurt her, she was being "heartless" and that it "takes nothing" to give her mother "peace of mind" and "let her die in peace."

"He is right about this, it doesn't cost me anything to give her the peace she seeks but I just don't see why her peace is any of my concern," the post read. "I know my mother has always been an asshole, but AITA as well?"

Redditor Reactions

More than 2,300 users commented on the post, many offering support to the woman and defending her decision.

"Actually it could very well cost you your mental health," one user commented. "Your egg donor tried to use you for spare parts, then abandoned you, and went after you for money. She made her decisions."

"NTA. If she wasn't dying, would she be contacting you to ask for forgiveness?" another commented. "She's had 35 years to be a parent to you."

"Some things are unforgivable, you are under no obligation to hear the apology of your egg donor," another user commented. "Fact is it's taken her 35 years to wake up to herself. She deserves to go knowing that she failed you as your mother."

"She seems to feel entitled, first to your bone marrow, then to your inheritance, now to your forgiveness/peace of mind. You don't owe her anything," another user wrote.

Newsweek reached out to u/Inititaro for comment.

In other viral Reddit posts, users criticized individuals for their parenting choices, including one man who was slammed for not letting his daughter spend her birthday money on a book.

Another parent was criticized for shaming her daughter and her husband for kissing at a family gathering, and one mother was ridiculed for not letting her parents call her "mum."