Worker Not Paying for Colleague's Wedding Gift Splits Views: 'Being Petty'

A worker's decision not to put in any money for a colleague's wedding gift has sparked debate online, after she admitted she would only go as far as signing the card.

The worker took to popular forum Mumsnet to share her dilemma, explaining that she's been asked twice to sign and donate to the colleague's wedding card.

"I pass him in the corridor and say hi every few days and that's it. His office is next door to mine but we rarely see one another. I've worked in the organization for maybe seven years and he's been here three or four," she wrote in the post.

"I got married in Autumn 2020 and received no card, money or texts from these work colleagues so I am feeling a bit put out by the repeated requests for money. I don't want to give him money but would sign the card if that could be done without looking tight."

"If someone asks me about it again should I admit that I got nothing for my wedding so I am not contributing or just kick to touch," she asked, adding that she worries she is being "petty."

Gift-giving is a polarizing subject when it comes to office etiquette. For some, it's a great way of bonding with colleagues and simply a bit of fun, but for others it can be an awkward conversation.

Over the festive period, when gift-giving in offices is unsurprisingly common, co-workers reportedly spend a median amount of $25 on gifts for one another. A survey by LinkedIn however discovered that 40 percent of employees wish their employers would prohibit gift-giving among employees.

Sam Warren, professor of organization studies and human resource management at the University of Portsmouth in the U.K., weighed in on the issue to The Atlantic previously, saying: "How can you say no to what your company is asking you to do? Would it affect your [job] prospects? What does it say about your attitude to being a team player, or your relationship with your coworkers?"

As with office workers, Mumsnet users were equally split over whether the poster should feel obliged to donate any money. While some ruled it "petty" and instructed her to suck it up, others recommended she outright refuse to join in.

"I personally would contribute a fiver and sign the card .. life is too short to be petty," wrote one user.

"I wouldn't cause an issue at work over it. Sign the card, rattle the envelope if you can't bear to drop a couple of quid in. It doesn't sound like this guy was to blame for you being overlooked. The overall disconnection caused by lockdown seems the most likely reason," added another, citing the date of the poster's 2020 wedding.

One user expressed similar thoughts, but danced on both sides of the spectrum too: "I would sign the card as it's probably not this chap's fault you didn't get one, but I absolutely would not give any money. In my opinion, collections should never come from staff, if the organization is bothered about a gift it should come from the pockets of the business, not the workers."

Others however disagreed, noting the unfair difference in treatment. "They're being a**holes for chasing you up on it. It would be a bit petty to make an unprovoked comment instead of just ignoring the request but I'm not sure what else you can do if you're being chased. They can't and shouldn't force you. We get a 'Jim's card is in the breakroom' type email and those who want to contribute do, and those who don't want to simply don't," wrote one user.

Another joined in, sharing: "Collections always end up being unfair. It depends on who can be bothered to organize them. The quiet people who just get on with their jobs are often overlooked. I think they should be banned from workplaces and if people want to give their own cards/gifts then fine. They cause a lot of hurt and ill feelings."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.