My Adult Children Still Make Us Pay For Their Phones—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek,

My wife and I are reaching retirement age and are trying to help our children become financially independent since at retirement our income will be very limited. We have three kids—26 years old—24 years old—21 years old.

Currently, we are still paying for our children's auto insurance, health insurance, and mobile phone.

The oldest states that they are not making enough in their work to live on their own so still lives with us at home. The middle and youngest are living on their own and covering the majority of their living expenses.

On average I would say we are paying about $2,000 a month in total. I have not done a breakdown but I would estimate the following monthly—180 for mobile service; 300 for auto insurance; 600 for health insurance; for the child still living at home an additional 700 if I included utilities, rent, etc.

My question is, how do we gently and lovingly cut these financial cords with our children without having them feel abandoned or having us feel guilty? How can we help them become independent, productive, and fulfilled members of society?

Thank you for your advice,

Jorge & Catherine, Dallas, Texas

The Best Thing We Can Do for Our Children Is to Teach Them to Be Self-Sufficient

Marni Goldman is a life coach, motivational inspirational storyteller, mental health advocate, and podcast host.

As parents, the best thing we can do for our children is to teach them to be self-sufficient, independent, hard-working adults. As they transition into adulthood, there might come a time when we have to do the inevitable, "break up" with our children financially. This is a cord you want to cut very slowly and gradually.

Communication is essential here. Explain to them that this has nothing to do with how much you love them, but that it is imperative in helping them become independent adults. Money is very private and personal, and, normally, never discussed. (There is always an exception to every rule). Explain to your children that you will be living on a fixed income (once you fully retire), and this is definitely not a form of punishment.

Cultivating a plan together on how to wean them off gently is giving them respect, and treating them like adults. Set a timeline. Let them know, honestly, and very specifically, how many more months they have left until they take over their own payments. For example, let your children know, in possibly six months, they can take over one of the bills. By communicating, everybody's on the same page, nobody feels blindsided, or abandoned, financially in any way.

Set Measurable Goals to Achieve Financial Independence

Rabia Khara is a marriage and family therapist specializing in adults, couples, and families. She is also a drama therapist and mindfulness meditation teacher.

I must commend you for being supportive of your adult children, because there are many who do not have the support system in place that you have accorded your children. I would recommend starting with that thought and getting them to start the process of being more financially independent, and in the case of your oldest, finding a place to live on their own.

I invite you to explore the guilt that you might feel for not providing financial support. While guilt is a natural response, negative but healthy, understand whether it is internal or external. Are there things you are sacrificing to meet their financial goals? Are your own plans getting affected because of your finances being stretched thin? Are you perceiving your children would have a negative reaction? If so, coming to an understanding that you need to reserve some of that financial support for yourself, or to invest in yourself however that may look like is what I would highlight.

I think it would be fair to set measurable goals to achieve financial independence rather than abruptly cutting off financial support. It is my hope that with a more gentle and methodical approach to steering them in the direction of financial independence through hard work and determination, they will become productive members of society.

I wish you and your family all the best and hope everything works out as planned.