If you work full-time, chances are that you'll be spending at least 35 hours of your week at work, which can amount to roughly one third of your entire life. With our professional commitments making up such a large chunk of our actual lives, it's important to assess whether our workplaces double up as positive environments for us to thrive in—or whether our co-workers are simply causing us grief.
While there's been plenty of research into how to evade or escape the clutches of a toxic co-worker or boss, what's far less frequently discussed is how to spot whether you're the toxic one at your company, and if so, what you can do about it.
Frequenting an unhealthy workplace or having to consistently liaise with difficult co-workers can impact all aspects of our lives, especially our mental wellbeing. Faisal Tai, a psychiatrist and head of the mental health platform PsychPlus, told Newsweek that a toxic work environment can be defined as one where people are experiencing "corrosive pressures that are draining them and making them want to leave."
In 2022, data from the analytics firm Gallup's State Of The Global Workplace report revealed that a majority of professionals feel unsatisfied at their workplaces.
The report, which collated insights on workplace satisfaction from all over the world, including the U.S., concluded that 60 percent of employees feel emotionally detached at work, while 19 percent are completely miserable.
If you're feeling detached and unfulfilled at work, it can be easier to blame that on having little to do other than twiddle your thumbs all day—or on having to cower from a narcissistic colleague in the cafeteria.
It's much harder to pull together the self-awareness needed to recognize that you might be the toxic one, and that you're the problematic force in that space. So, where do you begin? How can you spot whether you're the toxic co-worker?
Joanna Starek holds a Ph.D. in psychology from Colorado State University. The current chief commercial officer at global consultancy firm RHR International told Newsweek that often, if you feel like you're running into three or four toxic personalities everyday, then the chances are that you are indeed the actual toxic one.
How Can You Spot if You Are the Toxic One?
The first telling sign that indicates you're the problem is if you think that everyone else is.
After all, not everyone can actually be problematic, and if you are finding faults in the interactions that you're having with every Tom, Dick, or Harry you cross paths with, then more likely than not, you are the aggressor in that situation.
"People who have a healthy, balanced sense of self create work relationships that generate openness, idea sharing, and trust," Starek told Newsweek.
"On occasion, all of us will encounter co-workers that push our buttons, but if this is a daily experience, something is wrong. Either the work environment itself is dysfunctional, or the problem is simply you," she added.
According to Starek, there are a few key ways in which an individual can decipher whether they're the one stirring up unnecessary hassle at work or not. She clarified to Newsweek that her "warning signs" are designed to promote inward reflection for growth, and not to shame or point any fingers.
The signs include a tendency to deflect blame, to be overly critical of reports, and to find it challenging to sustain long-term professional relationships.
If any of these traits sound a little too close to home then worry not, Starek argued that it is entirely possible to address and change undesirable behavioral patterns.
"The beautiful thing about being a human being is that we have the capacity to continually change our minds and grow. If you are wondering if you have a toxic personality, chances are you have some work to do to grow into a better version of yourself," said Starek.
However, she also said there could potentially be underlying mental health issues, like a personality disorder, at play for you—or other deeply rooted personal issues that must be addressed.
"I would highly encourage that you reach out to a trained mental health professional like a counselor or therapist to learn new strategies for a better life. Relationships are meant to be positive and life affirming, but to achieve that goal, people in the relationships need to be capable of fostering an environment of care and mutual respect," she added.
Is Change Possible? If so, How?
Okay, so you've just recognized that you could potentially be the toxic co-worker. Instead of cueing Taylor Swift's "Anti-Hero" or wallowing, there are steps that you can take to make positive changes to your behavior.
According to Starek, the first step to changing and shying away from being the dreaded toxic co-worker is to take responsibility for your own behavior. It's always possible to gradually unlearn an ingrained behavior—it just takes dedication and commitment.
"Somewhere and somehow you learned negative behaviors to cope, perhaps from an unhealed trauma, with an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Unfortunately, those coping strategies are not effective in healthy professional environments and will require you to build new relationship skills and habits to form positive relationships at work or otherwise," she explained.
Those new relationship skills might include learning to set and respect boundaries, increasing your awareness of the impact of your language and behavior on others, learning to ask for what you want and learning to say no while maintaining your self-respect, increasing your ability to practice mindfulness, strengthening your distress tolerance, and learning not to take everything personally.
"The journey to creating healthy work relationships can be long but is rewarding when you have the courage to take that necessary first step to looking inwards and attempting to make changes," Starek told Newsweek.
Forensic psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman seconded Starek's top "warning signs." The expert revealed that toxic behaviors often share in common a deep-rooted secret feeling that you've done something naughty, which she says is often accompanied by a smug sense of satisfaction.
"The urge to do something toxic comes from an inner resentment towards co-workers, the boss or the work environment in general. Feelings of competitiveness, disappointment in being overlooked, anger towards the 'boss' pet,' jealousy, rivalry, and so on can make people do passive-aggressive acts to foil co-workers," Lieberman told Newsweek.
In a nutshell, a telltale sign that you're the toxic co-worker lies in the simple fact that you may just dislike your colleagues and not want them to succeed in the industry.
According to Lieberman, this resentment can present itself in purposefully not including a co-worker on a memo so that they miss an important meeting or "accidentally" spilling your morning coffee on them.
Generally, any action that has been employed to sabotage a co-worker is the coming to life of a toxic thought process. The psychiatrist also warned that spreading lies about co-workers is also a common toxic behavior. Much like how Starek shared that the toxic co-worker is usually at the heart of any office drama, Lieberman argued that the toxic co-worker is often the orchestrator of that drama or rumor.
"Toxic behavior may feel good temporarily, but it's very dangerous," Lieberman said.
"It's likely that you will be found out and then you'll be the one who gets fired—or at least embarrassed. It's best to ask yourself why you're doing these things and try to work out the problems in a more cooperative way. They may be signs of self-sabotage, where the real message is that you're unhappy and want a job that's more fulfilling," she added.
Ten Signs That You're the Toxic Co-Worker According to Psychology Expert, Joanna Starek:
1. You can't seem to sustain proper and long-term relationships with other co-workers. You may be best friends one day or giving them the silent treatment the next. The relationships you have at work are inconsistent and unpredictable.
2. Colleagues tend to leave interactions with you feeling depleted, negative or as if their feelings and concerns haven't been heard or validated.
3. You are often accused of gaslighting your co-workers and of not taking responsibility for your own actions. This can look like shifting the blame for something onto someone else instead of correctly assessing the damage caused in that situation. This can also look like an attempt at trying to alter someone's perception of a situation to fit your reality and to benefit yourself. Emotionally well-rounded employees combat this by taking ownership of their mistakes, apologizing for them, and trying to modify or improve their incorrect conduct.
4. You are critical of direct reports and peers because you think that you are better than them or can perform better at a task than them.
5. You tend to deflect blame onto others or to point fingers at them when things don't go to plan. Perhaps you made a mistake on an assignment or a project fell behind schedule, but this becomes someone else's fault and not your own or a common misunderstanding.
6. You frequently manipulate your bosses and co-workers to get your own way.
7. Drama and gossip tend to follow you. If you find yourself to frequently be at the center of every single office squabble then there's a high chance that you're either directly involved or an instigator.
8. You often feel like a victim.
9. People do not share their personal and professional successes with you and stop inviting you to work or external functions.
10. You find a little pleasure in belittling your co-workers, controlling them or seeing them fail at a task or get in trouble with bosses.
What Creates a Toxic Workplace?
Faisal Tai argues that lots of different things can prompt a workplace to become unhealthy and corrosive. They include poor, written and verbal, communication, cliques and exclusionary behavior, and a rapid employee turnover.
"I see patients regularly who cite such problems making their workplace toxic, and they ask me what they can do about it. Obviously, one option for some is to leave the workplace and find another job. But for those without that option, I recommend that patients start by having a heart-to-heart talk with their direct supervisor and be honest about their struggles with toxicity in the workplace. If that does not work, then I recommend that they consider using the HR systems to report their issues," the psychiatrist said.
If you're not the toxic one, it's never wise to remain in an unhealthy environment for too long. It's imperative that you avoid long-term exposure to workplace toxicity as it can impact both the quality of your work and your mental health. If you're having a challenging time at work, it's always a good idea to also talk to your doctor about the stress that you're experiencing and work to determine how severe it is and what professional course of action will be most suited to what you need.
Have you had a workplace dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Melissa Fleur Afshar is a Newsweek Life and Trends Reporter based in London, United Kingdom.
Her current focus is on trending ... Read more
