You Have Not Died of Dysentery Is The Oregon Trail With More Pitstops

"You have died of dysentery."

It's a stark message many of those who played The Oregon Trail growing up are familiar with. Death, ostensibly by diarrhea, out in a dusty old wagon train in the middle of nowhere? It's a nasty way to go, literally and figuratively.

Out of all the ways you could perish while making your way westward, dysentery was simultaneously the worst and the most humiliating. A fever? Measles? Sure, but dysentery?

But what if dysentery didn't have to kill you when it took hold? What if, instead of ending your game, it was simply an annoyance you had to learn how to deal with? A few extra trips into the bushes to relieve yourself?

If you've ever wondered those things (or know someone who has), Woe Industries' You Have Not Died of Dysentery is for you.

No More Deaths from Dysentery?

"It's The Oregon Trail," the game's official page proclaims, "but this time dysentery can't kill you." It may result in a ton of soiled breeches, though. And you don't want that.

The Oregon Trail, the massively popular series of educational games from developer MECC, has been a mainstay in many schools with computer labs from the 1970s and beyond. It's had many iterations, from the Apple II computer to smartphones and everywhere in between.

Created as a way to help teach students about pioneer life in the 19th century while traveling The Oregon Trail, the game has remained something of a positive fragment in the minds of those who have played it over the years. Players create and name a group, buy supplies and set off on their journey westward. Along their way, they can speak to others at their destinations, attempt to cross rivers, hunt for food and even come down with other maladies in addition to dysentery.

The challenge is making it to your destination in one place without succumbing to any of the many dangers along the way, with dysentery being one of the most common. The intestinal infection can quickly claim your entire group, leaving you with a game over screen that you'll never forget if it isn't quelled. One of the worst side effects? Diarrhea. Yes, the explosive, painful and bloody kind. But also the sort of funny kind, because that's what so many players have laughed at so hard over the years. Not the whole death thing—but the recurrent, urgent defecation episodes.

Making More Out of Memes

The "You Have Died of Dysentery" screen has become something of a cultural institution over the years, up there with "the cake is a lie" and "I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle." They aren't particularly funny callbacks to popular games, but those who have been gaming for years know exactly that they mean. The problem with The Oregon Trail's meme-tastic catchphrase? It's more grating than humorous these days due to simple overuse.

The minds behind developer Woe Industries, helmed by co-creators Steve Nass and Peter Henningsen, are more than aware of how tired The Oregon Trail can seem after years of memes and silliness, all of which revolve around the same dysentery-riddled joke. But that didn't deter them from trying their hand at what Nass says could be the "most parodied game in existence," a fact that almost kept them from making the game entirely.

"Once we stumbled upon the idea, the stupidity of it kept making us laugh," Nass says. "We started breaking down the mechanics, what kind of art we'd need to make, what would the reading material be while you sat on (presumably) a hollowed out tree stump and did your business?" What, indeed? Actual articles from the 1800s, according to Nass.

"We also spent a decent chunk of time digging up all the old 1800s articles you read during your bathroom breaks," Henningsen said of the vast amount of reading material. "Which taught us a lot about contemporary opinions of the Crimean war while it was happening."

It's important to note, despite the focus on potential dysentery disasters, that this is the "real" Oregon Trail. It's just been altered with the loving addition of bubble guts and long squats outside to get rid of the demons inside.

"We tried to preserve as much of the original as possible alongside our additions," confirms Henningsen. "We did our best to make any new art or sound effects match the original style."

And though adding mechanics where players could potentially bet on a fart and lose might seem like a walk in the park, it was anything but. In fact, it was "fairly difficult," according to Henningsen.

"The Oregon Trail may be an old game, but there's a lot going on under the hood," Henningsen says. "Those hunting sections in particular, can be tricky to mess with (you have to stop to use the bathroom during those too)."

What happens if you don't go to the bathroom in time? Well, you certainly won't be reaching your destination. You can keep putting it off and putting it off, but eventually dysentery will win. You won't die, but you'll end up having a blast—in your breeches. And not one that you'll particularly want to have.

Improving on the Classics

So it's The Oregon Trail that you remember, but with single-play toilet parchment ("thinner than other leading parchments, but also coarser," according to Nass) and soiled breeches tossed carelessly from the back of a covered wagon, stinking and rank.

"We like to imagine they lay strewn along the trail to Oregon, serving as grim landmarks for future travelers," Henningsen says of the breeches. "Much like the frozen climbers on Everest. A harrowing reminder of the risks and dangers of the journey ahead."

More than just a long and involved poop joke, You Have Not Died of Dysentery is a fun way to reimagine the classics. Sure, it might be a silly, ridiculous journey that others might write off as a laugh, but for those of us who grew up with these classics, it's fun to see them reimagined. And a fart joke will get you everywhere.

As far as other retro games Woe Industries might want sprinkle intestinal distress into? That's open for debate.

"We hadn't considered it till just now," the pair offered. "But Pong for sure. Sonic too, of course. It gives a whole new meaning to 'gotta go fast.'"

You Have Not Died of Dysentery is available to play for free now.