A man who discovered his wife had secretly been running up thousands in debt over the course of their 30-year marriage has been praised for his response.
Finances represent a leading cause of relationship stress. A 2015 survey of 1,172 U.S. adults who were married, in a civil union or living with their partner conducted by SunTrust Bank saw 35 percent of respondents experiencing relationship stress cite money as the cause of friction.
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For the longest time, however, one man, posting to Reddit four days ago under the handle u/yellerjeep, enjoyed a life free from the stresses of having to worry about his finances.
"For most of our marriage my wife has run our finances," the man said. "We had this arrangement because it allowed me to focus on my career while she ran our household."
This setup stayed in place for close to 30 years, though he always harbored suspicions something was up. "This arrangement worked well for us, but I always felt like things weren't quite right," the man said.
"For most of our marriage, money was always an issue, but not terribly so. I always had a cursory understanding of what things looked like, but really turned a blind eye."
However, after noticing their accounts were "frequently overdrawn" and multiple loans had been taken out in his name, the man decided in January of this year to take over their financial affairs.
"What I found horrified me," he said. "We are over half a million in debt, including our house, and all of our credit cards were maxed out."
He quickly set about trying to fix the issues. He put them on a strict budget and canceled all recurring payments deemed unnecessary. However, despite already paying off over $10,000 of what they owe, his wife is not happy.
"She's now quite upset at me and is accusing me of making her subservient, locked out, and not including her in financial decisions," he said.
Nona Kelly is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in relationships, family issues and coping skills with Thriveworks in Nashville, Tennessee. Analyzing the situation, she told Newsweek that the couple need to get better at "communication and establishing pre-agreed upon goals."
"With good communication and agreed-upon goals regarding finances, these situations are less likely to occur," Kelly said. "That means, prior to beginning a committed relationship where money is involved, each partner should discuss their relationship with money and what goals they have regarding spending or saving."
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Ultimately, Kelly said it was important to "take a pause" and potentially talk through the issue with a couples therapist.
Others on Reddit had significantly less patience for the wife's stance. "She did a terrible job of managing your finances," one user wrote, with another adding: "I don't know if I could trust someone who maxed out a bunch of credit cards in my name."
A third commented: "She almost put you in bankruptcy and she's upset she doesn't get any access. She needs to get a job to help pay this off. I wouldn't care what she did."
Newsweek has reached out to u/yellerjeep but was unable to verify the details of the case.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
Jack Beresford is a Newsweek Senior Internet Culture & Trends Reporter, based in London, UK. His focus is reporting on ... Read more
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