Man Urged To Apologize for Making Wife Wait 10 Minutes Longer at Airport

A post about a husband who missed his wife's calls and arrived late to pick her up at the airport has gone viral on Reddit, where it has received 11,800 upvotes.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum under the username aLostBattlefield, the husband said: "My wife was due to fly into one of the most popular airports in the world last night at around 9pm." His wife had tried to reach him to tell him that her plane had landed early but he didn't hear her calls because he had his "gaming headset on and was gaming/talking with friends."

When his wife later showed that she was upset, the poster said inside he was thinking: "I'm doing you a favor by driving to the airport and picking you up in the first place. Why are you getting upset over waiting 10 minutes longer than you wanted when people sometimes wait HOURS to be picked up at the airport?"

Is the wife overreacting or is the husband being insensitive?

Life coach Bayu Prihandito told Newsweek: "The husband appears to be in the wrong. While it's important to respect individual hobbies, a relationship also requires commitment and accountability."

Psychotherapist Avigail Lev told Newsweek that it's likely that the couple's conflict may be down to their "schemas." Lev explained: "Schemas are core beliefs about ourselves and others in relationships, and they can influence our behaviors and shape the dynamics within a partnership."

The husband in the Reddit post said his wife was originally scheduled to land at 8:50 p.m. and he said he'd be at the airport at 9 p.m.

The wife apparently started calling him from 8:05 p.m. but he didn't hear/see her calls until 8:15 p.m. as his phone is always set to the vibration mode.

"Keep in mind, I wasn't expecting ANY calls from her until after she landed," he said.

The husband admitted he was "not aware of the fact that you could track arrival times of flights after they left their departing location."

He realized she was calling him when he looked at his phone "by chance." The wife said her flight had landed early and told him to "leave now," to which the husband replied "OK I'll see you soon."

The poster said: "I thought it was fine to finish my online match and left the house 10 minutes later," saying he didn't arrive until about 9:05.

"As fate would have it, that was pretty much the original time we had planned on picking her up," he said.

His wife later explained how upset she was that he "made her wait an extra 10 minutes" and that there was a "huge difference between waiting 30 minutes and waiting 40 minutes."

The husband said: "I feel like this isn't an 'apology worthy' event. You can't just land almost an hour early and expect your driver (even if they're your husband) to drop EVERYTHING they're doing and come pick you up immediately, right?"

Entitlement/Grandiosity vs. Self-Sacrifice/Subjugation

Lev, who is a licensed clinical psychologist in California and a certified mediator, said it is likely that the husband in the latest post may have an "entitlement/grandiosity" schema, while the wife may have either a "self-sacrifice" or "subjugation" schema."

An entitlement schema refers to "a deeply ingrained belief that one is deserving of special treatment, privileges, or benefits without having to put in the necessary effort or earn them."

The self-sacrifice schema entails believing you have to prioritize others' needs/desires and suppress your own to gain love, approval or acceptance. The subjugation schema involves a tendency to put others' needs/desires over your own.

In relationships where one partner displays an entitlement/grandiosity schema, "change can be challenging," Lev said, because those displaying this schema are "often unwilling to modify their behaviors and lack the incentive to do so."

The psychologist noted that creating a shift in this dynamic lies with the partner exhibiting a self-sacrifice/subjugation schema.

"By adopting assertiveness, setting boundaries, and implementing self-care consequences, they can initiate change and foster a healthier relationship dynamic."

The Husband 'Failed To Uphold' His Commitment

Prihandito said that by "prioritizing his game over his wife," the husband "failed to uphold" his commitment.

"With his headphones acting as a 'bubble', he unintentionally disconnected himself, possibly overlooking any important messages from his wife," he said.

"This incident can be a learning opportunity for the husband, highlighting the importance of balancing real-life obligations with his fervor for gaming," the life coach added.

'You Weren't Paying Attention...'

The post sparked debate among Redditors. In a comment that got 24,100 upvotes, user jmbbl said: "OP isn't TA [the a******] for not knowing that flight tracking exists. He's the AH [a******] for having his phone on silent when he knew his wife was on her way and for continuing to game even after she got through to him…"

Naomeri wrote: "You knew your wife was already landed, and had been waiting while you weren't paying attention to your phone, and then you made her wait longer!"

Others defended the husband, with some saying they too weren't aware that flights could be tracked.

TheCervus said: "I guess I'm an outlier for not tracking the flight and just waiting for the person to text me when their plane lands."

User entropynchaos wrote: "It would never even occur to me to track a flight…my life doesn't and never will revolve around keeping track of stuff like that."

Puzzleheaded-Soft575 replied: "Your life doesn't have to revolve around it, you just pay attention to it for like one hour or so because you agreed to be there for someone that you presumably care about. It's not difficult."

The Reddit post comes as air travel returns to pre-pandemic levels.

The International Air Transport Association reported in March that total passenger traffic globally is "now at 84.2 percent of January 2019 levels."

According to the Transport Security Administration, 2,730,123 passengers were reported to have passed through a TSA checkpoint, as of June 15, 2023.

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system.

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