'I Quit Coffee and My Anxiety Went Away'

I started drinking caffeine when I was 12 years old. I remember the first time I had a sip of coffee. I thought it tasted gross, but over time I got used to it. I was so young; drinking coffee didn't give me any negative symptoms.

In fact, when I drank coffee, it helped me focus. At the time, I was not aware that I had attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Similarly to ADHD medication, coffee was a stimulant that helped me sit still and concentrate in the classroom.

While growing up, my dad worked in the coffee industry, roasting beans that were good for the environment. We were big coffee drinkers in my family for a good amount of time and I really grew to love the art of coffee, the coffee shop aesthetic, and the vibe. Sitting in a coffee shop and doing my work felt good.

Over time, drinking coffee became a part of my daily routine. I'd have coffee while doing my makeup in the morning before school and continue to drink it throughout the day.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2015 and began taking medication that same year. It was really intense because I was drinking caffeine at the same time, which was not a good combination.

My anxiety was at an all-time high. My brain would spiral into a loop of all the things I said when I was younger, and all of the things that embarrassed me. I constantly thought: Why is my brain doing this to me right now? But I continued to drink coffee.

In 2018, during college, I worked as a barista in a coffee shop. I loved being a barista because it was so much fun, but that's when I began feeling the negative effects of coffee even more because it was at my fingertips all the time.

At one point, I was drinking seven Americanos a day.

I felt very jittery and couldn't sit still. I also noticed that it was a lot harder for me to wake up in the morning. I knew that by midday, I would feel slumped for a few hours and that I couldn't operate like a normal person.

The only thing I could do to feel better was to drink more coffee.

After graduating college in 2020, I decided to stop taking my ADHD medication because I didn't like how it made me feel. But I kept drinking caffeine because I felt that I needed it.

That's when I noticed that it made me moody. I would become irritable when the caffeine was wearing off. It also gave me a lot of stomach pain, but I didn't quit because it was a chaotic summer for me, and I felt that I needed coffee to get by.

I remember the summer of 2021 very clearly. I'm a musician, and my band and I began touring for the first time in a Prius. It was hard to get up in the morning and drive constantly, so I was drinking a lot of caffeine to just get through the day. I wasn't happy and I didn't feel like myself.

Before our shows, I would even drink an energy drink or two. I realize now that being on stage is like a drug in itself; you don't need caffeine to get you there.

In December 2022, I decided to quit drinking caffeine for good. My boyfriend has never been into coffee and he has a very easy time getting up in the morning. I asked him how he does it because I struggled to get up in the mornings, and he said: "You've just got to quit coffee."

So I thought: "Okay, maybe it could be my New Year's resolution going into 2023."

Within the first week of quitting caffeine, I realized just how much of a drug it was. I went through intense withdrawal symptoms. I'd never gone through any sort of drug withdrawal before, but that's what I could imagine it being like.

On the first day, I had the most excruciatingly painful headache that started around 4 p.m. My brain felt scrambled. I couldn't communicate or talk very well. I just couldn't think. I was really tired and suffered from bad brain fog for a week. At one point, I was in my bed, shivering. My body just needed sleep.

But after 10 days, it became very easy to function without coffee. Waking up in the morning was a lot easier for me, and working out with my boyfriend also became easier.

Looking back, I felt like I was running on superficial energy from an outside source to get me through my days. But now, I feel different. I didn't realize just how easy it should be to wake up in the morning until I stopped drinking coffee.

Weeks after quitting caffeine, I noticed that I had a lot more energy, I was able to focus easier and get a lot of tasks done. My stomach pain went away, and so did my anxiety. I rarely experience anxiety now and I'm not as dehydrated as I used to be. My hormones are also more balanced.

Instead of coffee, I now drink alternatives. I take mushrooms like reishi, turkey tail, and cordyceps in a tea, which are really great for energy and focus levels.

I think if I were to start drinking caffeine again, it would be in the form of tea, and I wouldn't use it to wake up like I used to. I still love coffee culture, but looking to the future, drinking matcha tea is as far as I would go.

Chelsea Gilliland is the front-woman of alt-rock group CHLSY.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

As told to Newsweek's associate editor, Carine Harb.

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