Relative Slammed for Telling Sister-in-Law the Truth About Teen Daughter

A frustrated Reddit user has turned to the internet for advice following an argument with their sister-in-law that has left social-media users feeling furious. A psychotherapist told Newsweek that the behavior of the poster was damaging.

On January 23, u/SubstantialSea2965 wrote that their brother has a daughter called Bria, 14, and his partner has a daughter from a previous relationship called Leah, 16.

"Every time someone compliments Bria we MUST also compliment Leah otherwise [my sister-in-law] will get mad," the poster wrote.

"For example, if I tell Bria that she is very talented in something SIL will interrupt me and say 'but isn't Leah also very talented?' It's annoying. I can't say a single word to my niece unless I say it to Leah too."

Recently, the original poster told Bria that she looked "absolutely gorgeous" ahead of a party. "[My sister-in-law] interrupted me again and said, 'but isn't Leah very gorgeous?' I finally snapped and said 'no she is not'."

The poster added that Leah's mom was shocked by the answer. "If she thinks her daughter is gorgeous then she should tell her but she can't expect people to compliment her," they wrote.

Since then, the user has been dubbed the a****** for potentially damaging the teenage girl's confidence. Newsweek discussed the post with psychotherapist Alex Iga Golabek.

"The author seems to be experiencing frustration possibly stemming from her continuous inability to freely express herself while complimenting Bria. It's possible that the recent eruption was a consequence of feeling muted by their sister-in-law, and their 'honesty' had to be voiced," said Golabek, the owner of Ego Therapy based in Stratford-Upon-Avon, England.

Golabek added that this behavior can have an impact on Leah: "It is likely that Leah may have already been aware of the author's comparisons between the two children and perceived this through the author's behavior; both, their frequent compliments towards Bria, as well as their body language the author may not be aware they are presenting. This could have significantly affect the child's self-esteem and result in her developing a 'not good enough' core belief, which would have been building for quite some time.

"The 'no she is not' reaction would have inevitably highlighted this for the child and add to her pool of existing evidence that she holds, in her mind, as well as that of the adult author's, somehow less value than her stepsister," said Golabek. "This can be particularly damaging to children because they are entirely vulnerable, powerless and rely on an adult's viewpoints to learn about themselves and their surroundings."

Reddit users couldn't agree more with Golabek. One comment read: "YTA [You are the a*****] - assuming that Leah heard what you had said. She's a 16 year old girl. That could seriously have an adverse effect on her self esteem. It's a s***** way to get back at your SIL by making Leah hurt. It is also true though, that yes, you shouldn't have to compliment Leah every time you compliment Bria.

"But she's 16 and teens that age are sensitive and always looking for validity in who they are and how they look. In the end though, I'd say YTA because I'd expect an adult to handle that situation better without hurting a 16 year old's already fragile self esteem."

"Be a grown up and tell your SIL the issue. OP [The original poster] insulted a child in front of the child. YTA," posted another user.

A third comment read: "Listen, I can understand your frustration but you snapped the wrong way and likely deeply hurt the feelings of a child. You're an adult, if you have an issue, take it up with the adult."

Newsweek reached out to u/SubstantialSea2965 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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