A woman who ignored her bilingual nephew when he would mix languages in sentences got a taste of her own medicine, delighting the internet.
The child's mother, u/UnderstandingOK1255, shared the story to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole, earning over 31,300 upvotes in five days for her post, "AITA for doing the same thing to my sister-in-law that she does to my son?"
The original poster (OP) says that while she's originally from England, her husband is Belgian. They live in Belgium, but the couple goes to England about once a month for work. While there, they tend to visit u/UnderstandingOK1255's family members.
OP and her husband have two children; a 3-month-old girl, "Misha," and a 4-year-old son, "Louis." The couple are raising their children to speak both English and French, and both languages are spoken at home.
"Right now, my son is in this very sweet phase where he'll sometimes mix up the two languages and say a couple of words in English in a French sentence or vice-versa. This has never posed a problem to us," u/UnderstandingOK1255 wrote.
However, "Sarah," the wife of OP's brother, "Dave," disagrees and will correct Louis "really rudely." During the family's latest visit, Sarah informed the OP that she would be trying a new tactic—mainly, ignoring Louis completely unless he speaks in perfect English with no French words.
"I sort of noticed her doing it when we arrived, and I thought it was odd, but assumed maybe she was just stressed (her job is quite intense), but it only really became an issue yesterday," OP wrote.
Later during this trip, the OP's father was talking with her husband, OP fed her daughter in another room, and Louis was left with Sarah and Dave. But when the OP returned, Louis was bawling while holding an empty cup. The OP figured out that Louis had asked for a drink, but with a slipped-in French word, and was ignored. She then asked Sarah why she let Louis get so upset.
"She explained that she wasn't going to reply to him unless he said the sentence correctly and that I shouldn't be 'ignoring my son's obvious speech issues.' For context, it's not that she didn't know what he wanted. She told me that she understood exactly what he was asking for, but that she was deliberately refusing because he hadn't asked correctly," she wrote.
The OP said she was enraged, but her husband happened to come in right then so both she and Louis were calmed down. But that evening, she hatched a plan.
"That night at the dinner table, Sarah asked me to pass her something, but she said it in 'bad' English (she IS English, I just mean that she asked for it in slang. Think, 'Pass us the peas, will you'. I had a bit of an epiphany and I just decided to totally ignore her. She asked again, and I did the same thing. My brother asked why I was ignoring his wife and I said that I'm not able to reply if she can't speak English correctly and that it's wrong of him to ignore her obvious issues with grammar," the OP wrote, admitting that it was an "incredibly childish" response and that most of her family was angry with her over it.
Dr. Catherine Snow, the John and Elisabeth Hobbs professor of cognition and education at Harvard University, said it's common for children to mix languages, or "code-switch."
"Children who have the resources of two language systems available may mix them, for any of a number of reasons: to play with the languages, to display a bilingual-bicultural identity, to fit in with speakers of the other language, to show off, or because in a moment of fatigue or tongue-tiedness it is just easier to use [language X] than [language Y]," Snow told Newsweek.
Snow also said that code-switching is common in bilingual communities, citing a recent Saturday Night Live sketch where new cast member Marcello Hernández appeared on Weekend Update to talk about Latino Major League Baseball players. She adds that there are, of course, situations where it's "valuable or even necessary" to speak entirely in one language—for example, in the classroom, while testifying or in situations with monolingual medical personnel.
"The benign interpretation of [Sarah]'s reaction is that she is trying to anticipate that need," Snow said. "We do know, though, that kids, especially young kids, learn a lot (about language and about the world) from engaging in conversation with responsive and interactive adults.
"So if a 4-year-old said 'No me gustan peas. No voy a comer mis peas,' it
makes more sense to respond '¿No te gustan guisantes? No sabia,' rather than shutting down communication. On the other hand, if a child were initiating a very important conversation bilingually ('¿Por que abuelito died?', for example), it would be counterproductive, it seems to me, to focus on the language rather than the very important content," she concluded.
Many Redditors agreed with the OP's choice of revenge.
"[Not the A**hole]," u/RyNoona wrote in the top-rated comment with 40,800 upvotes. "You completely passive-aggressively defended your kid against a childish adult. Was it petty? Yes. Was it deserved? Hell yes."
"Honestly I wouldn't term this 'passive-aggressive' or 'revenge,' simply because first, the [sister-in-law] is the one who set the standard for how to react if something is grammatically incorrect, and two because essentially we're talking about education, and one of the best ways to teach is to demonstrate," u/HappyLucyD wrote. "If the [sister-in-law] wants to take this as 'petty,' that will be up to her, but it should be explained that if an adult finds the demonstrated behavior frustrating, imagine how it is to a child."
"I live in a part of Canada where English and French are spoken equally. I work with grown adults who use what we call "Frenglish", which is basically switching between the languages mid-sentence constantly. It's a totally common way of speaking and it's very easy to understand even if you are more familiar with one language than the other. If this is how Sarah treats a 4 year old who is still developing his language skills, she's damn near have a heart attack if she visited my town," u/mrsprinkles3 wrote. "[Not the A**hole]. Sarah needs to get off her high horse."
Newsweek reached out to u/UnderstandingOK1255 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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Matt Keeley is a Newsweek editor based in Seattle. His focus is reporting on trends and internet culture. He has ... Read more
