Woman Discovers Boyfriend's Affair in Secret 'Work' Folder

When Shannon Mowery's ex-boyfriend began working late and acting differently, her gut feeling told her there was someone else in his life. It turns out there was but she had to find out the hard way.

Snooping can be a double-edged sword for those who discover unpleasant truths, like healthcare recruiter Mowery, 27, who couldn't resist looking at her ex's phone without permission. To her surprise, at first glance there didn't appear to be any suspicious messages but then she discovered a secret folder titled "work."

Mowery isn't the only person to snoop like this; one in five Americans has gone through a romantic partner's phone without asking, according to YouGov data. While there is a moral argument about poking around a partner's phone, 73 percent of the 1,236 U.S. adults over 18 that admitted to doing so said they didn't regret it.

In fact, for peace of mind, Mowery encourages other people to take such action if they believe their significant other isn't faithful.

However, a family law expert whose previous clients include Kim Kardashian, told Newsweek that prying without permission could be a violation of a partner's rights and even be breaking the law in some states.

Mowery, from Cincinnati, Ohio, spoke to Newsweek about the suspicions that led her to snoop.

She said: "Suddenly, my ex began staying late after work, which was unusual because he had a typical work schedule before and always finished on time.

"His mood changed too and he began flipping it on me saying I was the problem in his life yet when I asked 'what am I doing wrong?' he never had an answer.

"He began needing space and often went for long drives which I found odd.

"I began to feel like something was going on but when I confronted him, he swore there wasn't someone else.

"But his behavior said otherwise, things completely changed. We were like roommates and he was being mean, secretive and often hiding his phone.

"I do support open communication with your partner if you have suspicions, but unfortunately, I was being fed lies and had to find out myself to get my life back."

After months of uncertainty, Mowery woke up early and looked at her partner's device while he slept.

"We knew each other's password but I never felt the need to look before. However, my gut feeling was telling me to.

"I opened the phone and there wasn't anything, which was a massive relief, but there was a folder on the last page of the iPhone home screen.

"I clicked on it and there was Whatsapp, where I saw all the messages.

"They immediately crossed the boundaries as they were very flirty. Then I read messages like 'wish you were here in my arms' which hinted something sexual had gone on.

"I took his phone and drove off. I read all the messages from top to bottom."

'Trust Is the Foundation of Any Healthy Relationship'

Attorney Laura Wasser, who specializes in divorce cases, and is well-known for her celebrity clients like Johnny Depp, advises against snooping.

"As someone who has seen her fair share of messy breakups, I know that snooping through a partner's phone/laptop/iPad is a serious issue that can lead to a lot of legal headaches down the road.

"Let's be real, we've all been tempted to sneak a peek at our partner's device at some point, especially when they're being secretive or suspicious. But here's the deal: in most cases, snooping is illegal and can land you in hot water.

"Even if you're married or in a committed relationship, your partner still has a reasonable expectation of privacy when it comes to their personal devices.

"Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If you can't trust your partner, it may be time to reevaluate whether this is the right relationship for you."

In October 2022, an exclusive poll for Newsweek revealed that 21 percent of 1,500 Americans adults admitted to having cheated on a partner.

Wasser, the chief of divorce evolution at Divorce.com, suggests having an open and honest conversation with your partner if you have any suspicions. And if that doesn't work, she advises couples to seek help from a counselor or mediator.

She added: "In the United States, there isn't a universal law that specifically addresses snooping on someone's phone. However, various laws might apply, such as privacy laws, computer crime laws and wiretapping laws. It's important to be aware of the potential legal implications.

"To give you a better understanding, if you were to take someone's phone and start looking through their personal information, you could potentially be breaking the law. The specific law that applies depends on the state you're in and the details of the situation. For instance, if you were to access your spouse's texts or emails without their consent, you might be violating wiretapping laws."

'Always Trust Your Gut Feeling'

Mowery is sharing her story to help other people who fear their partner is cheating on them.

She told Newsweek: "It saddens me because some people stay to make it work but are not really happy and can't trust again.

"In situations like this, you have got to always trust your gut feeling—it could be wrong but I believe it is worth trusting.

"A relationship can't be built without that feeling of safety and trust; the paranoia is awful.

"I encourage snooping if you are suspicious, otherwise I don't think you should do it.

"It's not healthy if there's no reason behind it. But if it's to figure out what is going on, to eventually leave, then I say do it. Otherwise, I don't know if I would have found out."

What Is a Gut Feeling?

Some people may be familiar with the term, describing a feeling that often occurs when people are fearful or anxious. It may feel like stomach twinges, pain or nausea. Newsweek reached out to neuroscientist Friederike Fabritius who explained exactly how the feeling works.

"Two regions of your brain drive gut feelings: your basal ganglia and your insula. Your basal ganglia manage the stored patterns and routines that reflect your accumulated expertise. Your insula (also known as your insular cortex) handles body awareness. It is acutely sensitive to any changes in your body.

"When there is a change in your partner's behaviors, your unconscious brain is going to notice quite quickly, even though you might not be consciously aware of it.

"Let's say your partner behaves a bit off. Your basal ganglia will detect a deviation from their usual behavioral patterns and signal that something is slightly off. While your insula will detect your body subconsciously reacting to your partner's behavior with a stress response (such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, sweating)—even if your conscious brain doesn't notice anything at all."

Fabritius, the author of The Leading Brain refers to gut feelings as a "shortcut to better decisions."

"Your brain is doing a lot of the heavy lifting without you even noticing it. Gut feelings are the result of your brain processing an immense amount of information in the background, so use it! My advice would be to trust your gut."

Has infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.