Reason Woman Is Excluding Daughter-In-Law From Trip Applauded: 'The Truth'

A woman who excluded her daughter-in-law from an outdoor family trip due to concerns over her weight and fitness has been backed online.

In a Reddit post shared under the handle u/Mysterious_Prior7438, a mom of four explained how she and her three daughters "like to do girl trips for the day."

However, these trips have become increasingly disrupted by her son's wife, Beth, who is overweight. "Before her first kids she was average weight and after it got a lot worse," she wrote. "Her only kid is 8 years old at this point and she hasn't lost the weight."

Though every individual is different and some are more genetically predisposed to stay slim, research has highlighted a link between parenthood and accelerated weight gain.

A study published in Social Science and Medicine found that adults with children gain significantly more weight over time than those without. The findings come from a national longitudinal survey tracking the changes in body mass index (BMI) among 3,617 adults over a 15-year-period.

Researchers found that by the age of 55, parents had an average BMI in the obese zone. By contrast, the average BMI among those without children only reached the level of overweight by the same age.

Despite evidence highlighting the struggles some parents have in losing or maintain a healthy weight, this particular mom appeared to have little patience for her daughter-in-law's lack of fitness. "She needs constant breaks walking," the woman said. "Everywhere we go with her it is constantly complaining that she is tired. The last girl's trip to the mall was spent sitting on a bench half the day since she needed a constant break."

As a result she opted not to invite her to a trip around a local farm to pick apples. "It has big orchards and a ton of walking," she explained.

However, after later uploading pictures from their day out to Facebook, she received a call from Beth asking why she wasn't invited. "I had enough and told her the truth," the woman said. "I told her she wasn't invited due to her weight. That she forces us to stop all the time and it ruins the trips most days since we don't get to do half the stuff."

The comments left her daughter-in-law devastated while her son was equally angry. Despite this, the woman insisted her daughters were on her side as they are all "sick of having trips ruined since we have to wait for her all the time."

Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert from The Protocol School of Texas, was less convinced though. She told Newsweek that while the woman may have had noble intentions "it's not her place to determine or judge her daughter-in-law's physical ability."

"Telling anyone that they are not included because of their weight is hurtful and dare I say cruel," Gottsman said. "The woman could certainly have invited her daughter-in-law, and given her the option, to accept or decline based on the itinerary and the level of activities they plan on the trip." She continued: "The daughter-in-law may have opted to stay behind on some excursions while the rest of the family did something different."

Gottsman noted that even in a situation where someone has a serious health issue that might prohibit their enjoyment of a particular activity, it is far better to invite them but let them know what is planned.

"It is not up to us to determine whether someone is going to enjoy themselves based on their weight," she said. "It's insensitive." Gottsman added that the woman needed to stop talking to her daughters about the issue and instead speak directly to her son's wife and, first and foremost, apologize.

But the Reddit community saw things differently, arguing instead that the woman was right to take action. One user wrote: "Beth pushed too hard so you pushed back. That's on Beth. Beth was trying to guilt you." "There needs to be balance. Beth needs to bow out of things that [are] too physically taxing for her," another Redditor wrote. "I think her attitude more than her weight is going to keep her excluded."

A third said: "I get having kids makes things harder. But she is [not] the first to go through this and she won't be the last."

Not everyone was convinced though. "You could have directly addressed the behavior without the fat shaming," one said, with another writing: "I do think there are steps in between 'this isn't that much fun with you always sitting down' and 'you're too fat so we're uninviting you.'"

Newsweek has contacted u/Mysterious_Prior7438 for comment.

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