Is eye contact threatening? One TikTok user is saying men think so.
In a video posted to TikTok by Raquel Lavatai (@raquellavatai), she asks why women tend to speak to each other face-to-face, while men avoid facing each other head on. She does this while filming her female friend facing her, then panning over to two men sitting side by side and talking. Since it was posted, the video has received 2.3 million likes and over 17,000 comments.
The video triggered conversation about the nuances of communication between men and women, prompting users to think about the underlying reasons for such differences.
"Can anyone explain the science of why girls talk face-to-face, and guys side-to-side?" Lavatai captioned the video.
Carolina Caro is a leadership development coach and CEO and founder of Conscious Leadership Partners. Drawing on neuroscience and psychology, Caro told Newsweek that the brainstem, often referred to as the "reptilian brain," plays a crucial role in shaping our communication patterns. This primitive part of the brain is wired to trigger a flight-fight-freeze response to perceived danger, prioritizing basic survival instincts.
"In order to avoid a fight response that could be provoked from a more adversarial stance, like being across from each other, sitting next to one another would create a more balanced power dynamic," Caro said. "It's important to remember that men typically have higher levels of testosterone than women, which can be responsible for a more aggressive response if the reptilian brain is triggered."
Conversely, she said, women have higher levels of oxytocin—a hormone with "the power to regulate our emotional responses, including cultivating trust and empathy."
Caro said that when women look at one another face-to-face, it could reinforce senses of trust and bonding more than power-play.
Viewers of Lavatai's video spoke of their own communication preferences in the comments section—and some echoed Caro's ideas.
"Because I feel like it's more of an argument than a normal chat when it's face to face," @a.h.m.a.d5555 wrote. "The eye contact is always awkward and scary."
"Eye contact from man to man can mean one of these: Disrespect, intimidation, provocation into a fight," @justwaistingtime wrote.
Others chalked it up to "toxic masculinity" and internalized homophobia.
"The boys are afraid they'll fall in love with each other if they look too closely into each other's eyes," @heidi_mikayla wrote.
"I dunno, looking longingly into each other's eyes feels too intimate," @rockabillyloser wrote.
The video has raised questions and offered deeper understanding of why men and women may gravitate towards different communication styles, but many are in agreement. While women may prefer face-to-face interaction to strengthen emotional bonds, men may instinctively opt for side-by-side positioning to mitigate potential conflict.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
About the writer
To read how Newsweek uses AI as a newsroom tool, Click here.
