'It Was Rape'—Woman Shares How Assault Led Her To Change Career

What started as an evening with a friend ended up altering Lyndsey Murray's life in more ways than one. "We had gone out for drinks, and then... I don't remember anything," Murray told Newsweek. "But I know I woke up without my clothes on, at his place. So I knew something happened."

"I always tend to water it down—I don't know why," she continued. "I experienced a sexual assault. Or actually, let's call it what it was, rape."

That traumatic night in 2017 led Murray to her new career. The 33-year-old, from Hurst, Texas, is a now sex therapist who uses her own experience of abuse to help others.

At the time of the assault, Murray was already a counselor, but it was her own journey through healing that led her to work with others like her.

"A few months after it happened, I started dating someone seriously and was finding it really hard to have sex and not be retraumatized," she said. "So I had to start going to my own therapy."

Along with issues over processing and dealing with the assault itself, Murray also shares with her patients her experience of reporting a rape to authorities.

"I do share what that experience was like," she said. "Going to the hospital, reporting it, getting the rape exam done. It's a really f****** system. I don't know if my kits have ever been processed, and the case went nowhere."

With the support of a dedicated therapist and group therapy sessions, Murray was able to process her own experience: "I learned I have to accept it," she said. "It was ruining my life to be so angry about it. I have a right to be angry about it, but it's like I just need to move on."

As part of her own therapy, Murray learned about a type of support she had not considered before—sex therapy. "One of my therapists recommended I go see a sex therapist, and I had no idea that was even a thing," she said. "I was like, I think that's what I want to do."

Moving into a new career trajectory wasn't quick, but with determination, Murray trained to be a sex therapist and today is the owner and lead therapist at Relationship Matters Therapy.

As she began practicing and working with clients as a sex therapist, Murray found that her own journey uniquely prepared her for the role.

"I think [my experience] matters a lot because it kind of shapes who I am as a therapist and how I view the world and how I relate to clients," said Murray. "I want to get across to people that they're not alone and that they're going to be ok. They have support out there, because if you feel like you're alone that loneliness is very isolating, and it will continue to make you feel worse."

Murray said that she often shares her background with clients, helping them feel less alone and supporting them through processes including reporting an assault, processing the experience, and being able to move forward.

Sex therapy isn't just for people suffering trauma. Murray explained she helps people with a whole host of relationship and sex queries.

"Sex therapy is for anyone. Where any aspect of sex is causing you stress, that's who it's for," she said. "That could mean I'm queer and I'm struggling to come out, go see a sex therapist. I'm trans and I'm transitioning, and I don't really know what to do or what the steps are and that's causing me stress, I can go see a sex therapist."

Murray also supports couples who would like advice on their sex life, or those who are looking to open their relationship into a polyamorous relationship, or introduce a new kink of fetish into the bedroom.

Alongside her clinic, Murray has just launched her new sex-positive podcast called Sex Positivity: Unfiltered.

"Me and my co-host, we're talking about all things sex, but very much with the purpose of challenging societal norms, so it's really exciting."

Specialists from the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) sexual assault hotline are available 24/7 via phone (1 (800) 656-4673) and online chat. Additional support from the group is also accessible via the mobile app.