Mom Slammed for Trying To Stop Daughter's 1st Birthday Party: 'No Respect'

The internet has dragged a woman who lashed out at her husband for posting pictures of their daughter's secret birthday party on social media.

In a post shared on Reddit earlier this month, under the username u/Longjumping_Peach597, she explained that since her brother died on his birthday when he was only 17 years old, her mom and dad decided to never celebrate any birthdays again, and because of "how much [her extended] family loved [her] brother," they decided to do the same, so nobody in the whole family has celebrated a birthday ever since.

While this family decided to ban birthdays, most Americans still do celebrate them. A survey by Ipsos Reid found that nine in 10 Americans say it's important to celebrate birthdays and feel special when others put lots of energy into celebrating their birthday. Moreover, six in 10 people even make a wish when they blow out their birthday candles.

The poster's husband refused to follow her family's strict tradition and never stopped celebrating his birthday, and she and her family "didn't say a thing" because he wasn't "blood family." The problem started when their daughter's first birthday came up and her husband insisted on celebrating it.

Her family made her promise not to celebrate the girl's birthday, but because her husband insisted so much, she agreed to just have a "small secret party," inviting no family, so that she wouldn't be the bad guy.

The day after the birthday party, she received a call from her mom who called her a liar who has "no respect for [her] brother's memory nor the family," saying she saw some pictures her husband shared on Facebook.

She wrote: "I was [too] shocked to even argue. I hung up and went straight to my husband to confront him about it. He got defensive and said that he didn't need my permission to post [pictures], and that he wanted to show his family the birthday celebration pics since I 'insisted' we have a small, secret party and 'exclude' them.

"I explained to him how this made me look bad and a liar to my family but he said 'they can get over it' and called my mom 'snooby.' I blew up at him and we had a huge fight about it. He started sulking later and said I ruined the memory of our daughter's first birthday for him and 'verbally abused' him with how I lashed out. But I solely did it out of frustration knowing that what happened caused a massive problem between me and [my] family. Now he's expecting an apology from me. [Am I The A******]?"

Forensic psychiatrist and author Dr. Carole Lieberman told Newsweek that even though it is tragic that this woman's brother died at 17 on his birthday, it is more tragic to let superstition or some misplaced sense of loyalty ruin everyone else's birthday from then on.

She said: "Surely, her brother would want them all to be happy and get to celebrate the birthdays he was never able to have. It would be even worse to carry this superstition on to a little girl who is just beginning to have birthdays. It could even be considered emotional abuse to put a 'death cloud' over her birthdays, which she feels—even if she doesn't yet understand where it comes from.

"This woman should seek help from a spiritual counselor or a psychotherapist to understand why she must dispel her parents' morbid tradition of not celebrating birthdays. She and her husband—and their daughter—should celebrate life on their birthdays, be grateful for the years they have, and gladly post photos of their celebrations on social media."

The post originally shared in April on the r/AmItheA****** subreddit, where users discuss their actions with online strangers, has gone viral, receiving over 11,200 upvotes and 5,400 comments so far.

One user, Colt_kun, commented: "[You're The A******], and your family. This is out of control. That is an insane thing to agree to [concern] people who weren't even BORN at the time. Your children and husband did not consent to this. It honestly sounds like your family might need some therapy all around.

"It is sad someone died but the living should not have to pay a price for it every year. Birthdays are about celebrating the LIFE of the person BORN THAT DAY, not about the death of a person born [on] a different day. I bet your brother would be appalled this was his legacy—telling everyone that their life isn't as important as his. You do look bad, and you are a liar. You should have stood up and said 'We celebrating the life of my daughter' to your family. Go apologize to your husband."

And MadreDeRoma said: "I feel like this would make a child resent the memory of their uncle more than anything." PainInBum219 added: "I'm sorry son, but we cannot celebrate your birthday because someone that you never knew died on their birthday."

TraditionalPayment20 wrote: "100%! OP—you are trying to please your parents at the EXPENSE of your husband and child? GROW UP! Tell your family you are not going to punish your child for being born, and that going forward you will celebrate birthdays!!!! HOLY C***!

"ALSO—apologize to your husband!!! How dare you tell him he can't give his daughter a birthday, and that he can't share pictures. Your family made an awful rule—and you're literally forcing your husband to do the same! You yelled at a man that was wanting to celebrate his daughter because you haven't cut the umbilical cord attached to your mom!

"GROW A SPINE AND STAND UP FOR YOUR FAMILY! I would see your wanting to please your parents over your daughter as a red flag if I were your husband. He is absolutely right and you are terribly wrong."

Newsweek reached out to u/Longjumping_Peach597 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.

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