Wife Catches Marine Husband Cheating On Craigslist After They Move Overseas

Singletons around the world use dating sites such as Tinder and Bumble to find everything from casual sex to serious relationships. However, one married Newsweek reader discovered that her husband was posting ads on Craigslist looking for a good time.

The reader wrote to Newsweek describing how she got married to a Marine when she was 19 years old, and he was 20. She always suspected he was cheating, and after relocating to Japan with him, she discovered her suspicions were correct.

She said: "He had put out about five ads on his Craigslist account looking for hook-ups and casual sex. I confronted him...he denied it completely."

Despite marriage counseling and having a child together, the reader said she "felt like a single mom...he didn't help out with any of the things a parent should with a baby." Once her son turned 1, our reader left her husband and moved back to the U.S. and was much happier for it. She added: "I ended up divorcing him later on. But it was a blessing leaving him. I have the greatest gift in the world, my son. I definitely feel a difference in my mood, and happiness since leaving him."

Newsweek spoke to a marriage and family therapist and a lawyer specializing in family law to find out more about when it's time to walk away from a relationship.

How To Know It Is Time For A Divorce

Lisa J. Hall, a Tennessee-based lawyer, told Newsweek: "Anecdotally, it seems that more women than men file for divorce. When it is the husband calling for a divorce, he tells or shows his wife he doesn't want to be with her anymore, but then waits for her to take the initiative to hire a lawyer to sort it."

According to a study presented by the American Sociological Association, 69 percent of all divorces are initiated by women, as opposed to 31 percent by men.

Data from the World Population Review found that, in the U.S, around half of all marriages end in divorce.

New York-based publication Prevention cited infidelity, a lack of love and attention, and marrying too young, are among the top nine reasons why couples may divorce.

North Carolina-based marriage and family therapist Faith Dunlin told Newsweek, "Unfortunately, nowadays there are so many convenient ways to betray a monogamous relationship with the accessibility of dating apps and social media. Sadly, it can be common to hear about military members and spouses struggling with infidelity, especially when deployed or stationed overseas, sometimes for months at a time. The distance between partners, different time zones, and limited communication amplifies loneliness and disconnection in addition to other stressors that military families inherently have."

If someone believes their spouse is cheating there is very little chance of reconciliation argues Hall, and it would be best, as our reader did, to secure proof which can include screenshots of messages, videos, and credit card statements reflecting purchases likely made in furtherance of the affair.

"Depending on what is at stake," she said, "it may be worth hiring a private investigator to determine what is happening and obtain documentation. Just know that this proof is not going to guarantee that you'll get full custody of all the marital assets, and leave your spouse with nothing.

"People love to make these threats, but that is completely unrealistic. The law is designed to divide marital property equitably, provide for economically disadvantaged spouses appropriately, and cater to the children's best interests. Very often, this does not feel fair, especially to the non-cheating spouse."

Dunlin agreed, saying: "There's little hope in a relationship with a chronic cheater. There is 'a mistake' and then there are perpetual choices and patterns. When someone repeatedly cheats, it's typically indicative of something deeper going on that they'll need to excavate and resolve, or it will continue to fester and manifest through unfaithfulness or other self-sabotaging behaviors.

"The long-term effects of infidelity, especially repeat offenses, can lead to emotional disconnection with themselves and others and feelings of shame, distrust and self-loathing, and that's for the offender! The offended can experience the same in addition to reduced self-esteem, hurt, betrayal, anger, depression, etc. Although relationships can successfully repair after infidelity, it takes a lot of work from both partners to rebuild trust."

Hall said she often hears that women feel freer and happier post-divorce. "In cases when the wife wants to stay married and the husband does not," she explained.

"Over time the wife realizes that she has spent so long walking on eggshells to remain in a marriage where she is not valued or appreciated. Once she begins to heal and can recognize her self-worth, she realizes that she deserves better, with or without a partner. Escaping the gaslighting and manipulation is incredibly freeing and affirming. This often requires therapy, which is almost always a good idea for anyone going through a divorce for any reason."

Should You Stay In A Toxic Marriage For The Children?

While it's ideal for two parents to raise children together, it may not be the best option if the relationship is toxic. "Many point out how hard it is for kids after a separation to not have their mom or dad around as much," said Dunlin. "But I promise you, it is harder for children to suffer as collateral damage to a parent's unhealthy dysfunction and/or a consistent environment of arguing and fighting.

"The best thing you can do for your children and yourself is to have happy, healthy relationships. When a partner is a chronic cheater, the ripple effects of their unhappiness will extend through the entire family and beyond. Staying in an unhealthy relationship because you think you can fix them or believe in their potential is a lose-lose every time."